It's an Investment, Not a Gamble
by Sparrowfeather1
Summary: At Voyagers one year anniversary party to celebrate its return Kathryn realizes that she made a huge mistake by turning Chakotay away for so long but after falling out as friends will they be able to make up and admit how they really feel? J/C!


**Disclaimer: If I owned Star Trek Id be in heaven…but I do not so I am on Fanfic! Woo!**

**Janeways POV**

Voyager's one year reunion was bigger then I ever imagined. It's been a year to the day since the crew returned home, it'll be nice to see everyone again. I looked around and saw many familiar faces but I couldn't find that one person I was looking for.

"Captai-no Admiral!" I turned around and smiled. Tom and B'Elanna were there, both in formal wear. With Toms white tuxedo he looked like he walked straight out of one of his holodeck programs and knowing him he probably did. B'Elanna's dress looked more thought out, it was a dark navy blue dress that fell to just over her knees.

"Tom, B'Elanna. We're not on the ship anymore, call my Kathryn." I hugged them both in turn, "It's been too long and oh look who's gotten so big! Hi Miral" I smiled at the year old toddler in B'Elanna's arms. "It's your birthday today too isn't it?" Miral looked up at me with Toms big blue eyes confused. Suddenly I felt bad, I had distanced myself from my crew so much in the past year…

"And she probably thinks this whole party is for her." Tom laughed, taking Miral and spinning with her happily.

"If Tom had his way he would have thrown something bigger." B'Elanna gave her husband a push.

I laughed, missing their chaotic relationship.

Speaking of relationships…

I finally found who I was looking for. Chakotay walked in, wearing a simple black tuxedo and he could never look better.

"Excuse me you two," I said to my two former officers and walked around them up to Chakotay, I had a mission.

He saw me when I was about ten feet away and stopped walking, waiting for me to approach him. He looked so much more guarded then I remembered, I knew that was my fault.

"Chakotay" I smiled but he just kept that same emotionless face on.

"Admiral." he gave a small nod of respect.

"Please don't be like that…" I sighed.

"Be like what Admiral?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Can we talk somewhere more private?" I asked.

"Depends, is that an order?"

"Yes" I could play that game too.

His eyes widened in surprise, he hadn't expected me to say yes but obediently followed me out into the deserted hallway. Some habits must die hard, years of listening to my orders must have taken its toll. _Or he still cares about you that much..._ a small voice in my mind whispered and god I hoped it was right, I turned around to face Chakotay.

"Look Chakotay I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that night, if I could go back and change it I would."

"But you can't change it Kathryn." he whispered after a moment of silence. "You cant change what you said to me and how much it hurt."

_FLASHBACK_

_We ran inside the cabin in Venice soaking wet and laughing._

_"So much for beating that storm." I laughed, leaning against the door as Chakotay lit a fire._

_"You just had to get those frittelles* didn't you?" he shook his head scoldingly but I could tell he was trying not to laugh._

_"Well of corse, those things are delicious." I sat down in front of the fire while Chakotay ran upstairs. It was our forth day of a week long trip to Venice. It had only been seven months since our return from the Delta Quadrant and things were finally settling down. The debriefings ending, everyone either gone home or like Harry set out on new missions for Starfleet._

_"There's only one towel left." Chakotay came back downstairs and kneeled down next to me, wrapping the towel around my shoulders. I looked up to him and realized that our faces were only a few inches away from each other's. We stopped laughing, just looking at each other. Then he leaned forward and I could almost feel myself go on red alert. I jumped back and he sighed._

_"I can't Chakotay, I'm sorry." I wrapped the towel tighter around myself._

_"Why not? Kathryn we're not on Voyager anymore." he reached up and touched my face softly. His hand was still damp from the rain but still warm and soft. I leaned away. He closed his eyes and looked away "I can't wait forever. Just because Seven and I didn't work out doesn't mean I won't find someone else."_

_I put some hair behind my ear "I don't want you to wait for me." I said softly, staring at the rain hitting the window pane._

_I felt Chakotay stiffen behind me. "Fine" he stood "If that's how you feel Ill stop wasting my time…" he walked up the stairs packing his things and all I did was stare out the window. I heard him come back down the stairs and walk towards the door, he hesitated before opening it. I knew what he wanted, he wanted me to turn around and apologize, tell him that I loved him._

_I wanted the same thing but I couldn't bring myself to do it. All those years of pushing him away, I couldn't just pick him up as if nothing happened. And I was afraid, I was an Admiral, a career woman, I wasn't the type to be tied down._

_Chakotay set his bag down and walked over to me. "If you let me walk out that door I don't know if Ill ever be able to come back." he said softly, the raw pain in his voice almost made me submit to my feelings but I didn't. I didn't say anything. "I would and I have followed you to the edge of the galaxy and back Kathryn…I just want to know if you could do the same to me…"_

_I debated with myself if I should answer and what to say, finally I regained my voice. "I could follow you…but I don't know if I would."_

_And that was that. Chakotay stood and left with all of his things, not saying another word._

_END FLASHBACK_

"You told me how you felt and I'm respecting that." Chakotay spoke softly.

"I've regretting letting you leave since as soon as that door closed!" I admitted

"Then why did you wait so long!" he snapped and I stared at him startled, he hardly ever raised his voice, especially not to me. "Dammit Kathryn it's been five months!"

"I didn't know how to say it."

"How to say what exactly?"

"I miss you! I miss your smile, how good you were to me, how right we were, the way we could get anything done if we did it together. I miss the way you were always there for me, the way you respected my decisions even if you didn't agree. You put up with me and my stubbornness, ambition and hell general boar headedness and you still loved me not despite of my problems but because of them! We spent seven years together, you're the one thing I could rely on and these past five months have been more painful then anything that happened in the Delta Quadrant! I felt like part of me was missing and I hated it. I never needed someone like this before and I thought that if I pushed you away then the need would disappear. But it didn't. I love you Chakotay, I've loved you for eight years and I've been nothing but a fool for refusing to admit me. I understand if you don't want me anymore but I need you in my life even if it's just as a friend and confidant. And I do know now that I definately _would_ follow you to the edge of the galaxy and beyond."

The silence stretched out for longer then I thought possible, it was as if all the sounds from the party only twenty feet away disappeared, all that matter was Chakotay and I in possibly the biggest moment of our lives.

"Look at me Kathryn…" he whispered and I hesitantly looked to him. He was smiling at me and I let myself melt. "I love you too and I lied to you."

"About what?" I asked apprehensively.

"Id wait forever if I had to." He took my hands and pulled me close. Our lips meeting, kiss was more amazing then I ever imagined, it was pure bliss. Wrapping my arms around his neck I knew that this was where I was meant to be, where I always should have been.

We only broke apart when we heard wolf whistling. Turning around we saw Tom, B'Elanna and the rest of the crew watching from the doorway of the party hall. Tom, the whistler, was grinning from ear to ear.

"Well it's about fucking time. We were starting to think it'd never happen." he clapped.

"We?" I raised an eyebrow in a very Tuvok like way.

"Toms been holding a betting pool on when you two would get together since our first month on Voyager." B'Elanna explained.

"You were _betting_ on us?"

"Who won?" a crew member yelled from the back of the group.

"I believe that it was me." a new monotone voice broke through the crowd.

"I didn't think Vulcan's gambled." Chakotay smirked to Tuvoc.

"It wasn't a gamble, it was an investment." Tuvoc nodded his head towards us and I laughed, resting my head on Chakotay's shoulder and hand on his heart. He put his hand over mine and squeezed it gently, we watched Tom hand over Tuvoc's winnings and the party continued as normal and Chakotay never left my side. We held hands, danced and kissed the entire night, finally the room began to clear out until there were only a few of us left. I was dancing with Chakotay one last time before heading back to my, or maybe Chakotay's apartment.

"You never had any doubt did you?" I asked suddenly "That I'd come around someday."

He smiled and kissed me lightly. "It was never a matter of if Kathryn, it was a matter of when."

He was right, as always.

**...**

**I was listening to the Taylor Swift song Back to December and all I could think about was Janeway and Chakotay. This story is very loosely based off of the song and I really hope you guys liked it! Janeway and Chakotay were always my favorite couple, I think they were one of the biggest 'should have been' couples in Star Trek history, maybe second only to Crusher and Picard...maybe second...I like Seven of Nine and all but just not with Chakotay. Chakotay should have been Janeway's in the end, thats just my opinion but it will be my opinion for ever and ever and ever.**

***a frittelle is a type of pastry found in Venice.**

**So thanks for reading and please review, love, suggestions or anything is appreciated!**


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